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Saturday, July 3, 2010

The sweetest thing...

The Every Breath video and music I posted above this is exactly how I feel and what I needed to hear...so glad I found it as it is so good to listen to. So turn up your volume and watch and listen to it =)

Kent and the boys went up to Sheri's late this afternoon to do somethings. Bryn and I stayed home to get somethings done and just hang out together really. I had set Bryn up in my room to watch a movie. I then decided to go start something I had been putting off...



Counselling...

Kent and I started counselling a week ago. We are having counselling for a variety of reasons. I am so thankful to have a husband who is willing to go and do this. I truly believe counselling should be mandatory for everyone L
OL. It is looked down upon by some people I think...they look at it like it means you are weak. But, I think it means you are strong! To be able to go and face the things you are needing to face and deal with it in the right way. Instead of hiding from it or ignoring it and suffering.


Trying to heal...
So, once Bryn was all set up to watch her movie I headed into the computer room to start trying to type a couple of letters the counsellor asked me to do...to help get feelings out!

As I was sitting in the computer room trying to type these letters I was consumed with complete sadness, loneliness and aching. I was crying and could hardly see. A lot of emotions were coming forth and that is the whole point of doing these letters. I was just having the thought that I just need someone to care and I need to know and feel that I matter to someone...when I heard this little wimper...I looked down to my side and there was Brynley standing there looking at me with sadness in her eyes as she could see I was crying. I quickly wiped away my tears as I didn't want to upset her. She turned my chair towards her and I picked her up and told her over and over I was ok...she starred at me and then laid her head down on my shoulder and gave me the biggest hug. As we were hugging she was also patting my back. I began to cry even harder (silently though as I didn't want to upset Bryn) as I realized this is exactly what I was needing. She stayed there hugging me for a good couple of minutes...we just hugged and hugged...it was thee sweetest thing! I held her so tightly and just felt so loved by her! She sat up and cupped my face in her hands and just looked at me and said "kay, kay" and then hugged me again. She then sat up again and cupped my face in her hands again and just starred at me...almost like she was trying to see if I was ok. I smiled at her and told her I loved her and I said thank you. She slipped down out of my arms and grabbed my hand tightly and lead me into my bedroom. Her and I laid in my bed cuddling. Every now and again she would turn and look up at me and pat my cheek with her hand and say, "kay, kay" I would smile and nod and say yes I am ok. She would then pat my face and smile and look away...she did this a couple of different times.
I felt this quiet power when she was holding me...sounds strange, but it was amazing! My baby girl who is only 21 months old calmed my soul tonight.

After what happened tonight with Brynley I realized that it is very important for me to add this all to my journal. I want to remember tonight always! I want my kids to know all of this...and not to be ashamed of needing counselling and help when needed.


Thank you my sweet angel girl...
I LOVE YOU!!


7 comments:

Lynn said...

Oh Barb...you can't know how much this post will mean to your children someday....trust me....I know...I am now just a little further in this life's journey than you are....that's not much further...but I get excited just knowing how much your children will appreciate and love this post. Thanks for your e-mail. I was so surprised, but I thank you.

What a sweet and precious baby girl you have. Her spirit is close to yours. And I bet she is here now at the right moment in time just for you.

P.S. I appreciate what you said about counseling. So VERY true. You are a strong woman, and you have a strong man by your side. Keep marching on. One day at a time. One moment at a time. HUGS!!!!!!

Russell and Johanna Anderson said...

Hey Barb, what a sweet little girl you have. I can just see Bryn patting you and saying "k", "k". Tell her to give you a couple of those from me too!!!! I sure hope things are okay for you guys, I know you guys are amazing people and you'll get though what ever you need to.......the thing that is important is to get through it! Keep going!!! We love you!

Barb Stanford said...

Thanks Lynn! This morning I doubted myself whether I should have posted that or not...it was very personal...but important to share I felt. I think you are right, that Bryn's spirit and mine are very close...after last night I KNOW it!!

Hey Johy, thanks for all your love and concern. It is all good...just needing to learn how to set boundaries and NOT feel quilty about it. And just learning to handle things better. Kent and I are good, we are totally on track and supportive of one another. Daughters are awesome aren't they...mind you I think boys are just as wonderful!

Gayla Woolf Holt said...

The video and music were so uplifting and thought provoking...thanks so much for sharing!
Darling daughter I love you. What a tender posting about your sadness and having your angel baby girl prompted to help her mom! The holy spirit manifests itself in the most amazing ways especially in the arms of children. What a blessing.
I second your opinion on seeking counseling. I believe there can be good counseling to teach the tools on how to better our lives...and with prayer and scripture study...we learn and have hope!
Always and forever...MOM

Barb Stanford said...

The video and music were so uplifting and thought provoking...thanks so much for sharing!
Darling daughter I love you. What a tender posting about your sadness and having your angel baby girl prompted to help her mom! The holy spirit manifests itself in the most amazing ways especially in the arms of children. What a blessing.
I second your opinion on seeking counseling. I believe there can be good counseling to teach the tools on how to better our lives...and with prayer and scripture study...we learn and have hope!

Always and forever...MOM

Laura G said...

Wow, what a precious post. I can hear her saying 'kay, kay' coming from her sweet mouth. That is such a neat experience. Sarah and I were talking about trials a long time ago on the phone, your name came up and without discussing anything in detail we both realized you've been given SO many trials in your short life so far...and we think you're amazing. We even decided you could write a book because many people including your younger cousins could learn a lot from you. Love ya tons! Bryn is sure a sweety. I loved your post about her and Buddy too. Read that one tonight and it made me smile!

Barb Stanford said...

Thanks Laura, that meant a lot to me. I love you guys a lot and I think the world of you! I too have learned and still am learning SO much from you all as well. It is so fun to be able to interact like this and be some what apart of each others lives.

Trials are a hard thing, but ya know looking back as awful as they all have been...they have helped make me who I am today. Do I wish some of them never happened...ABSOLUTELY...but I have gained so much knowledge and strength from those experiences! Hopefully I can put that to good use as I live my life...that is the whole point to it all isn't it? To share what we have learned and help each other along life's journey through each others experiences?!