Monday, September 12, 2011

Fear, faith and peace...

Our son Cole (13 1/2 years old) motivated me to move forward and pushed me to make sure I had my Temple recommend so we could go as a family to do some Temple work when we went to Utah to visit family there. I wanted so badly for the past to go away and let me live in the present...I am grateful for our he has no idea what I have been struggling with and yet here he is being such a good example to me and encouraging me...exactly what I needed!!

Tuesday, July 26th was a wonderful day as I got my temple recommend all signed and I am good for another 2 years. It has been a while since I have actually been to the temple...sad, but true! Not because I wasn't worthy to go to the Temple, but because I was unknowingly  allowing Satan to win.

The temple for me has always been a struggle of my mind and my past. I, unfortunately had somethings happen to me in the Visitor Center as a child that no one should experience or got through. So, for me, that was what was holding me back. Satan was using what had happened to me as a way to keep me out of the temple. Yes, I got married in temple and I believe all that we are taught about it and what it stands for. BUT, it didn't change the horrible connection that haunted me. 

It was like those gates that are connected to the Visitor Center that I needed to go through to get to the Temple were holding me back. Once I realized that what had happened to me in the Visitor Center wasn't the Temple as they are 2 very different places and that Satan was using that as a way to keep me out of the Temple it was like my eyes were opened and I could see and I understood what was going on. Not anymore, I will NOT let him win!

There has been so many good talks in church and in The Ensign about going to the Temple and the Temple in general that have moved me to tears. I know that Heavenly Father has been telling me it is time, time to let go, enough is enough. I know, he understands and he knows all! 

It has been very easy to come up with excuses of  

"why not" and "why I can't go." 

But then I was reminded about the stories of the pioneers and all they went through just so they could get to the Temple and be sealed together as families, husbands and wives. All that they suffered and endured to be able to go, to be able to help bring the church here. No more excuses, it is time for me to let it go and have faith and trust in the Lord.

I am ready! I am excited as I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. So, our new goal (Kent's and mine) is to get to the Temple at least once a month. We will go to the Edmonton Temple until the Calgary one is built. It will be so neat to have a Temple so close to us.

Calgary, Alberta Canada Temple

1 comment:

Lynn said...

Oh Barb! I am bawling my eyes out. How sweet it is to hear you have accomplished a goal that was set out. You CAN do hard things. Love it. What an amazing young man you have in your home.

When you spoke of the pioneers, it reminded me of the movie I saw this summer. 17 miracles. It's brand new and just in the stores today {Beehive books}....I swear...if you haven't seen it gotta go get it and see it!!

You are a pioneer to your children and grandchildren. You just "pushed your own handcart over a hill". Good on you!