Friday, May 20, 2011


It amazes me how each week can be so different from the next one. Being a foster parent is TOUGH!! Last week I was positive and ready for everything and this week I am the complete opposite and feeling so defeated and drained. 

Dealing with Case Workers and all of their nonsense is SO FRUSTRATING!! Our Child Welfare system is messed up with how they do things and as a foster parent my hands are tied and I am to take care of these kids and pretty much shut up! I want what is best for these kids, just like I would my own kids. BUT, we are really restricted with how things are done and we as the foster parent are always the last to know, we have no say in anything either.

Last week I met Izabella's Mom for the first time. I was nervous and anxious about meeting her...but in the end it all went well. It amazed me how much Bella looked like her Mom. I left there heart broken for Bella thinking there is NO WAY she can go back to her Mom. Her Mom can't even take care of herself let alone a BUSY 21 month old girl!  

Izabella is doing well and growing and talking more and more each day...she really is a smart little thing!
 Princess Brynley and Princess Bella all dressed up!

Izabella and Brynley wake up and give each other a hug and then fight ALL my days are VERY long! They are only 10 months apart so it has been tough to say the least. Most days I am EXHAUSTED!! 

I was shopping the other day when a lady heard me call Brynley to come hear. She smiled and told me her daughters name is Brynn and they call her "Brynn-a-licious" for fun. I smiled and said,  

"ya, we call ours Beast"
and we all started laughing!! Sad, but so true! It is funny though as we have Izabella whom we call "Bella" and Brynley whom we call "Beast" every now again...get it...Belle and Beast from Beauty and the Beast ha ha...I know, I know!!

At church it is a struggle with the girls to keep them from fighting and keeping them preoccupied and corralling them in where we are sitting so they don't take off on us. On Sunday it was so sweet as I was holding Bella on my lap when we started to sing a hymn. I was holding the hymn book out in front of us and using her little finger to touch the words as we sang them. All of a sudden she started to sway back and forth and trying to sing along to the was so sweet! I love those moments and those are the moments I have to remember and hold onto when I get so frustrated with everything. 

Izabella is definitely going through the terrible two's and is very dramatic. She throws herself to the floor A LOT when she is mad, so therefore she hurts herself as she usually does it when she is on our slate floor which is rock so it hurts! She is constantly whining and follows me like she is my shadow all day long is hard. Bella puts everything in her mouth and destroys most things. BUT, she has the greatest smile and is so fun to cuddle.

Bella is with us for sure until the end of June and then Child Welfare and her Mom go to court to decide what is going to happen next. So we shall see what happens.  Bella gets to see her Mom once a week for a couple of hours. They are trying to get another visit with her Mom each week set in place. Which I am looking forward to as it will give me a break :)

Nathaniel is really good about the routine of things around here. He is enjoying praying and he even reminds us every now and again that we need to cool is that :)  Nate gets to go on 2 visits a week to see his parents and his siblings.

We will find out next Wednesday how long Nate will be with us...if he will be here for 6 months or not. He is a chatty little guy and has lot's to say ALL OF THE TIME! ha ha  He is really enjoying Kindergarten and is like a sponge as he is just so eager to learn all that he is being taught. He has had his moments for sure and it can be tough with him as well...but over all he really is a good boy and we are so lucky!

Our kids are such a big help with all that is going on. Nate and Bella LOVE Cole! Whenever he walks in the door from being gone, he gets greeted with kids running to him, open arms and big hugs from the kids. He really is so good with them! 

Tyson has a harder time and doesn't have much patience for them (hmmm, wonder where he gets that from) but really he does his best. He just needs a gentle reminder every now and again to be nice. It is interesting to watch the pecking order cause Ty hates how Cole treats him, but yet Ty treats Nate the same way.

Brynley, well what can I say, she bugs everyone ha ha ha!! Bryn really is at that age where she is just a pest and giggles and giggles when she can get the kids all worked up. Let's just say she has A LOT of time outs each day.

Lately I have felt like such a bad Mom. I am needing a pick me up and I am hoping it will come sooner than later as I NEED an attitude change. I have my hands full and I wouldn't change a thing. I am human and this past week has just been hard! 

Thank goodness for Kent!! He comes home each day after work and relieves me as much as he can by being so helpful with the kids. I SO appreciate all his help!


Lynn said...

I honestly do know how you are feeling. Hang in there. I read between the lines and see SO much Christlike good you are doing for those kids....even if maybe for a short time in their lives. This is the age that matters the most to those precious little brains. They've done studies on it. Whatever you are doing now to teach them will be HUGE in the choices they make later on as older children or even adults.

You ARE a good mom. I read it and see it. Hugs!! You are doing great. And you are NORMAL! ; D

Gayla Woolf Holt said...

I agree 100% with Lynn.
Plus, so many rainy cold days in a row does not help for one's sanity at the best of times.
Proud of you and how you keep going forward no matter what!
Bless you in all your efforts.
Love MOM