Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Just some thoughts

The past few weeks have been hard emotionally for me and I was at a turmoil as to why. I have been feeling like I have been just barely hanging on lately. I have had alot of pity parties for myself and cried and said "poor me"...I am tired of that! SO then, I thought well. maybe I need to be medicated, maybe I am depressed?! I have suffered from depression before so maybe I am. Then I talked to my Mom who listened and then she talked to my sister Emily who called to see how I was doing. She gave me some WONDERFUL much needed advice that I would like to share...

Emily told me that maybe I do need "actual medication" if I am depressed, but, before I resort to that do what she suggests first and try her type of "anti-depressant" first. She said that just because I am sad and struggling in my life right now doesn't mean I am depressed it may mean my spirit is lacking in what it is needing therefore it is starving and sad. We were spiritual beings LONG before we were human beings so we need to make sure we are feeding our spirit spiritual to keep it in tune and happy. She told me to do the basics (which are often the hardest to do)...every morning after I get the boys off to school or before the kids wake up, take time to say my morning prayers and read my scriptures OR an uplifting message/story. Doing this will help my day run smoother and more calmly. Make sure I do this in the evening as well and/or whenever I am needing to...whenever I am feeling turmoil.

As I listened to her it was like a light went off in me as I knew that was exactly what I was needing. It is all basic and we are told to do that all the time...but as a Mom I put myself last and don't take time to do things for me...especially important things like that. I knew if I would just do these simple things I would feel more peace in my life and my days would run smoother...or at least I would be able to face each day more positively. So I have been doing this for about a week now. I feel like I have taken a deep breath and that a calming hand has been put on me each day. I tend to get worked up easy and stressed out. I take things VERY personally and I don't know how to let "things" go especially when I feel hurt or offended or whatever it may be. So therefore it eats away at me.

A couple of years ago there was the most awesome conference talk I can't remember what it was called or who gave it but I remember him saying Choose not to be offended and say that to yourself whenever you feel yourself starting to be offended by someone. I have found ever since that talk that I have repeated that over and over in my mind when I can feel myself starting to feel offended. As my Mom just taught in her hold up your hand and you have 5 fingers each finger represents a word...It just doesn't really matter and then you throw it away and let it go! I have been doing this and it really does help me to put things into prospective.

I went to my Dr and talked to her about the whole situation and to see what she would say. She said I am definitely NOT depressed, but that she thinks I would benefit from some counselling. So I can be given the tools I am needing to set boundaries in my life. I was relieved to hear my sister was right...I knew she was, just wanted to cover all my bases LOL. Depression is a scary thing and I don't wish it on anyone!

I truly believe EVERYONE needs some type of counselling in there lives. Counselling is often looked down something is wrong with you if you are needing it. I am here to tell you NOT TRUE!! Counselling is such a good outlet and I am not embarrassed to say I have had it on and off in my life and it has been a HUGE support for me. At certain points in my life I can tell when I am needing it again to help me work through things that are going on and to give me the tools I am needing to be able to live a full and happy life.

Picture on our wall...

It says:
Sometimes god calms the storms and sometimes he lets the storm rage and calms his child.

It is hard to see the picture, but it is a picture of a light house with a person standing in the door way as the storm is raging all around it. I saw this picture in our church book store and I knew I had to have it. I can relate a lot to it and it helps gives me peace when I feel like things are out of control in my life.

Music... Since I was a child I have LOVED music...especially music that has meaning and that touches my heart in some way. I find that when I am down if I put on some uplifting church music then it helps change my mood very quickly. So lately I have been singing my heart out (when no one is home but poor Brynley that is ha ha) and I have been enjoying having music constantly playing in my home. I love the spirit it brings into our home! It is very calming and does me good when it is on =)

Some of my favorites church singer/song writers are:
Michael McLean, Hilary Weeks, Kenneth Cope, Wayne Burton, Natalie Grant

What are some of your favorites that I can add to my list of songs to listen to? What songs help you or uplift you?

I have a long ways to go to figure out what Heavenly Father is wanting me to accomplish on this earth and become all he wants me to become. This life is a journey and it will be what I make it! But, I know if I see myself the way HE sees me and love myself the way HE loves me then the road won't be so rough. I often tell myself in my mind when I am getting discouraged I am a Child of God and HE loves ME...he has a plan for me! Now, it is up to me to follow that plan and to fulfill it. Sometimes the best medicine is to NOT focus on yourself and to serve others and focus on someone else and give of yourself...that is usually what helps me feel better!

My challenge to you...
1)How often do we "think certain things" and not ever say them to people...or want to help them but we don't?
2)How about making eye contact with someone who normally people would walk by and ignore? I know what that is like, so I try to make sure I make eye contact with them and say hello and smile.
3)Give someone a compliment if you are thinking it...tell them!
How often do we all like compliments and then we think "oh what a cute baby, or I like her hair, or you are doing a good job I know its tough (to a Mom with a screaming baby).
4)We need to actually say these things when we are thinking them...uplift that person by giving them that help or compliment.
I try to do this and my son Cole says, "Mom you get that from Grandma Gayla cause she does that kind of stuff too." He is right, I do get that from my Mom. She has taught me to think of others and to be kind...I try, I really do. Sometimes I think I try so hard that I offend people and I get misunderstood a lot. I care a lot about people and how they feel and how others feel.
The other day I had just walked into the Dr office holding Brynley. I was struggling with Brynley as she was crying in my arms and squirming and trying to get down as I was standing holding her trying to zip shut the diaper bag so everything didn't fall out of it. This old lady walked over to me took Brynley out of my arms and said, "give her to me precious so you can do what you are trying to do." I was shocked, but grateful for her help as I was at my breaking point...she could probably tell =) It had been 3 straight nights of NO sleep with Bryn as she was sick and we were EXHAUSTED! This lady coming and just holding Brynley literally for a minute for me was a HUGE help!! As simple as it was, it was the kindest was what I was needing at that moment to calm me and help me get re-focused. Brynley calmed down and just stared at this lady holding her. This lady talked to Brynley so softly and calmly asking her what the matter was and to be kind to her Mummy. I literally had to hold back the tears as I truly was SO overwhelmed and tired! Her simple act of kindness had a big impact on me and how the rest of my day went. AND it showed me how important it is to not just think of others...but actually HELP them! You don't know the difference it will make in some one's day or life!

I think we all get SO caught up in our own lives, that we can become self absorbed. It is very easy to do...but it isn't a good thing. We were put on this earth to Love One Another and live the life that Heavenly Father would want us to live. It is a daily thing we all need to work on.

So, I apologize to whoever is reading this and I may have offended you at some point as that was truly never my intention!

Thank you to my sister Emily and my Mom for their much needed love and support!

When I had thanked my Mom originally she said:
"that is what family is hug you in our hearts even far away!


Yes I am a little bit thrilled that hockey is done for the boys (ha)! This year hasn't been that great for either of the boys teams. Both of them were ready for it to be done as well. So now for a break until September...(deep sigh) ha ha!!

These are the fronts and the backs of the boys hockey cards with all their information on them that they hand out to whomever they want to have them.

Cole had his friend Tyler Boyd over for the weekend of March 19-21. I didn't get any pictures of these two...DARN!! They went to a Fireside together in Calgary Friday night (March 19) and really enjoyed themselves. A 2010 Canadian Olympic Bobsledder spoke and he had his Bronze medal there and even let the kids hold it. The boys said it was VERY heavy! And that the Olympian called it his "giant penny."

David Bissett, from Edmonton.
He is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
The next morning, (Saturday, March 20th) Cole and Tyler had to be in Airdrie at 9:00 am as they were taking a babysitting course together at the Recreation Centre there. It went until 5pm so it was a LONG day for them. But they said they learned lot's and had fun anyways. They were the only 2 boys (which is what I figured) so I am glad they at least had each other. Now they are both ready to babysit when needed...and they are looking forward to it.

On Sunday, March 21 Cole gave his first talk in Sacrament. It was on the Atonement and what it meant to him as a youth. We made sure his talk was "his" point of view and not ours. That it was his words and his thoughts. Me being a nervous Mom I was very anxious for Cole to give his talk and very worried to say the least...more than Cole! Cole was not bothered by it not in the least bit...which I am SO glad he got that from his Dad =) He was calm and ready to give it like it was no big deal. He was so comfortable up there giving his talk...I was pleasantly surprised and a very proud Mama! At the beginning of the year as a family we made a goal that we would all at some point this year bear our testimonies in church. Cole was the first one to do it as he did it at the end of his talk. It was nice to hear him bear is testimony as this was the first time we had heard it and he had given it =) He had a lot of people in tears (grown men even) as he talked about his Papa in his talk and his testimony. A lot of people came to us saying how moved they were by his talk and his testimony...and a lot of people told Cole as well...which made him pretty happy! His buddy Tyler said he did a good job as well...I am glad Tyler was there for it. After church Cole said, "now it is your guys turn to bear your testimonies" Kent and I laughed and said, "remember we have all year!" ha ha...darn kids keep us on our toes =)

Boyd Family

Tyler's Dad (Brian) and the other 3 kids came out to our house Sunday afternoon to pick up Tyler. They played and had supper. It was nice to visit with Brian and see the kids. Brian is such a good Dad and such a good example to his kids.

Tyson was one proud boy when he woke up Monday (March 15th) morning and he had a black eye. We had gone to Kent's Mom's ward on the Sunday (March 14th) to listen to her give her mission talk. Afterwards we all went to Deb's for dinner. There was a lot of people and kids there. Tyson got a remote thrown at his face by one of the little kids. It hit him right under his eye and therefore resulted in bruising...which Ty thought was "AWESOME!"

Tyson with is FIRST black eye

(hardly there, but it is there...and to a boy that is all that matters ha ha!)

Date night- Flames Game
(Friday, March 19)

Kent and I went to the Flames game together a couple of Fridays ago (March 19) for our date night. Tyson and Brynley went to Jeff and Melanies house to be babysat and Cole and Tyler were at the Fireside and more than happy to be home alone once they did get home. It was such an exciting game and such a fun atmosphere to be in. Everyone was pumped and the crowd was loud! The Flames won so that made it even better. While we were there Kent ended up winning 6 Hitmen tickets to there game that was the next evening. We had to make some quick decisions on who to bring and what to do next ha ha!

Report Card...Tyson brought home his report card on Friday, March 19 and he is doing very well and improving in all the areas his teacher wanted him to. They also had a big Math test and Ty got 80 out of 80...100%!!!! Not sure where he gets his Math smarts from but it definitely didn't come from us ha ha ha!! As a reward for his Math test marks he got to go pick out a "stuffie" and have it made. He still likes "stuffies" and I am going to enjoy it while it lasts. I love that Tyson is still at that naive and innocent isn't going to last much longer so I am going to hold on to it while I can. As a reward for doing so well on his report card we took him out with us Saturday night (and he got to invite a friend-Gavin) to the Hitmen game. They got to eat a ton of food and they had SO much fun together at the game.

Ty and his "stuffie" a penguin he picked out

The Hitmen Game
(Saturday, March 20)

We were able to get a babysitter again for the 2nd night in a row for sister Tessa from Edmonton! That is right she came from Edmonton...ok, ok she was on her way to Cardston and I got wind of it from my parents who knew we were needing a babysitter and they said, "call and ask if she will do it and stay over night and then she can come down Saturday morning." She was on her way down to Cardston to help our parents with things around there house that they are trying to get done before they leave on their mission. I felt quilty asking Tessa, but she was willing to do she is SO good with the kids and they don't get to see her very often. Before we left the house (once again I forgot to take pictures) I could hear Bryn giggling, running around, nurf guns going off all over the place and Tyson, Gavin and Tessa all laughing. So I stopped getting ready to go out to see what they were doing...yep, Tessa and the boys were shooting each other with the nurf guns. To be honest I don't know who was having more fun...Tessa or the boys ha ha! She is an awesome Aunt!! The boys don't get time spent with them by there Aunts and Uncles so Tyson thought this was "WICKED!" He couldn't believe she was playing with them like this.

Tyson and his buddy Gavin wearing the Hitmen masks the staff was handing out at the Saddledome. The boys seats weren't right beside us (which they thought was GREAT). It was on the same row as us but at the other end. I will admit I was a little nervous about that...but they were as happy as they could be and they behaved!

The boys blowing there blow horns they bought. I am sure the people around them would have like to beat them with the blow horns LOL!

We invited Kent's cousin Dean and his wife Shiobhan to come with us. Is was nice to get out with them and visit. We had a good time. The game was definitely not as fun as the Flames game. But hey it was an evening out and I got a break from the kids 2 nights in a row so I am NOT complaining. LOL!!

Brynley- 17 months old

Where to begin with this busy littel girl. She is such a soother/suckie baby. I am trying hard to NOT let her have it every minute of the day. But the girl knows when it is missing and then...well, lets just say your ears start ringing as she screams for it when we try to distract her. Little by little she doesn't have it as much...but she does still have it A LOT!! We are trying to get her only to use it a bed time/nap we shall see.

She melts our hearts..."our" meaning all of us...Kent, Me, Cole and Tyson...and she knows it! She has us laughing and dancing with her in the kitchen on a daily basis. The girl can't go by any music playing without bouncing and dancing to cute! She is a dancer that is for sure.

Brynley is on the mend from ear infections. We went 3 nights in a row with NO SLEEP!! I thought I was going to cry...seriously I almost did a couple of times....true story! It was exhausting and I know she was hurting and she was so tired as well. But then during the day she wasn't napping well either....UGH, it was PAINFUL to say the least! Kent was wonderful and so helpful with EVERYTHING. The house was neglected big time as I had no energy and a sick little girl in my arms most of the day. So I really wasn't able to get much else done. Kent would come home from work and just do what I couldn't do...LOVE HIM!! He even came home with a dozen red and white roses one of the days (again no picture...CRAAAAAPP). It made me cry, he is so thoughtful!
She is growing SO fast! Going out with her is exhausting as she doesn't like to sit in the cart or stroller anymore. She wants to be out walking around and has to touch everything. BUSY, BUSY, BUSY!!! Most nights I am ready to pass out in bed from exhasution by 9:00 p.m. LOL! She is starting to be VERY chatty. We don't understand what she is saying most of the time...but she is definitely saying something. She uses her hands and shoulders and head and babbles funny! One day I was on the computer and she came into the computer room saying very loudly, "Mama, Mommy, Ma!" She was scolding me about something and then walked out of the room...I laughed and laughed! She has been SO good for all of us =)


Gayla said...

Barb, Your blog always teaches me much and brightens my day! It also reminds me how blessed I am to be your mother!
Your sister Emily was inspired to share with you. And because you are so teachable, followed through and then you found out for yourself what good advice she gave.
Bless you for your faith and your desires to do better. Your attitude about reaching out for help and counseling is very healthy and...good for you!
Big loves to Kent and the kids too as they are what makes life worth all this earthly growing and learning together. Being kind to others is our way of giving back to others what has been extended to us. Gratitude, and uplifing others is the key to our happiness too.
Heartfelt thanks for sharing your thoughts, on your blog, as we who care and love you know as difficult as it was to do so, we too benefit from your insights.
Your Mom...alias Gayla

Kent and Barb said...

So that General Conference talk I mentioned about Choosing Not To Be Offended was given by Elder David A. Bednar in the November is actually called "And Nothing Shall Offend Them." I HIGHLY reccomend you read it if you haven't already.

Gayla said...

That is one of my most favorite conference talks. I knew exactly which one you were referring to.

The Caballero's said...

Barb - what an inspiring post! really. Just what I needed to hear today. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and what I think to be a beautiful part of your Testimony. You are a wonderful person, Mother, Wife, Sister, friend. And don't you forget it!


The Stanfords said...

Thank you for sharing this with us. I always need reminders to get the spirit back in my life. I hope things go better for you and that I listen to the same advice.

I find that the talks that stand out and effect my spirit and life the most are the ones by Elder Bednar. He just has this ability to really get to the point of what we need to hear, it seems like it's just for me! I still remember his first talk, Tender Mercies. It was just what I needed right then and I am so thankful.,5232,23-1-520-33,00.html

You're story reminded me of one song that has been important to me for a long time, It's called "In His Embrace" by Katherine Nelson (you may have heard it before). The message is beautiful.

Kent and Barb said...

Thanks everyone! Your words and kindness have made my means A LOT to hear all you have said...thank you!!

Emily thanks for referring me to that other talk Tender Mercies and that song...I read and listened to both...they too are now some of my favorites ;)


Lynn said...

Oh wow! I LOVED this post! Every bit of it. I can totally relate. And I loved your mom's comment. So true. WE LOVE you girl! Truly an inspiration.

I loved that talk too from Elder Bednar. I refer to it often. It seems that with all the politically "correctness" in this world.....there seems to be more and more becoming offended. I am included in that too I am sure. And on the flip side, it seems that no matter what I say....someone becomes offended. Sometimes I just want to stay in my little corner all day and not say anything or do anything for anyone cause I might offend them.

Not good.

We need to be like that little old lady that came to your aid. You might have "flipped out on her" (okay....not YOU....but as in the general population) but she did what she did with no thought that her gesture might not be appreciated. GOOD for her. I want to be like that. In fact, I SHOULD be like that. I tell my boys all the time that they should open the doors up for any girl ALL the matter how afraid they are that one out of 10 girls get offended or even mad at them doing that. (You know....the liberated thing. Sheesh!)

Anyway......great post!

Hang in there!

Janay said...

LOVED this post Barb. It's amazing how much your spirit and testimony shows through your blog posts! You are such an example to me!! Thanks for sharing your personal struggle and what you learned from it. Truly a reminder of what I need in my life!!