The sweetest thing...

The Every Breath video and music I posted above this is exactly how I feel and what I needed to hear...so glad I found it as it is so good to listen to. So turn up your volume and watch and listen to it =)

Kent and the boys went up to Sheri's late this afternoon to do somethings. Bryn and I stayed home to get somethings done and just hang out together really. I had set Bryn up in my room to watch a movie. I then decided to go start something I had been putting off...


Counselling...
Kent and I started counselling a week ago. We are having counselling for a variety of reasons. I am so thankful to have a husband who is willing to go and do this. I truly believe counselling should be mandatory for everyone LOL. It is looked down upon by some people I think...they look at it like it means you are weak. But, I think it means you are strong! To be able to go and face the things you are needing to face and deal with it in the right way. Instead of hiding from it or ignoring it and suffering.

Trying to heal...

So, once Bryn was all set up to watch her movie I headed into the computer room to start trying to type a couple of letters the counsellor asked me to do...to help get feelings out!

As I was sitting in the computer room trying to type these letters I was consumed with complete sadness, loneliness and aching. I was crying and could hardly see. A lot of emotions were coming forth and that is the whole point of doing these letters. I was just having the thought that I just need someone to care and I need to know and feel that I matter to someone...when I heard this little wimper...I looked down to my side and there was Brynley standing there looking at me with sadness in her eyes as she could see I was crying. I quickly wiped away my tears as I didn't want to upset her. She turned my chair towards her and I picked her up and told her over and over I was ok...she starred at me and then laid her head down on my shoulder and gave me the biggest hug. As we were hugging she was also patting my back. I began to cry even harder (silently though as I didn't want to upset Bryn) as I realized this is exactly what I was needing. She stayed there hugging me for a good couple of minutes...we just hugged and hugged...it was thee sweetest thing! I held her so tightly and just felt so loved by her! She sat up and cupped my face in her hands and just looked at me and said "kay, kay" and then hugged me again. She then sat up again and cupped my face in her hands again and just starred at me...almost like she was trying to see if I was ok. I smiled at her and told her I loved her and I said thank you. She slipped down out of my arms and grabbed my hand tightly and lead me into my bedroom. Her and I laid in my bed cuddling. Every now and again she would turn and look up at me and pat my cheek with her hand and say, "kay, kay" I would smile and nod and say yes I am ok. She would then pat my face and smile and look away...she did this a couple of different times.

I felt this quiet power when she was holding me...sounds strange, but it was amazing! My baby girl who is only 21 months old calmed my soul tonight.

After what happened tonight with Brynley I realized that it is very important for me to add this all to my journal. I want to remember tonight always! I want my kids to know all of this...and not to be ashamed of needing counselling and help when needed.

Thank you my sweet angel girl...I LOVE YOU!!